How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
