when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
