My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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