and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
