Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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