I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
