SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
