he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
