youre lurking in front of me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap