I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
