Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
