I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.