I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER