I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
