omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
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SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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