I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
