I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
