and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
