hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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