I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
