I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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