and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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