can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
