READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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