she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
