we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
