I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i love accidental penises.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The air taste purple.
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