soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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