Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
