sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
