Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish you could order shots online.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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