bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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