I'm gonna have a badass scar
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
