It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
