Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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