you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
