I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
