I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
