Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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