Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
FUCK WHALES
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
