Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
