he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
