Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
