I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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