i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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