We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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