Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
