dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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