"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
