We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
