i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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