the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
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And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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