Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
