How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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