So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i came on her dog
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
