friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
