Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
