ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
