He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
