just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
