He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
