Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize