Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
