I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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