theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
