absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
