I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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