I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just saw a hot homeless man
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
