GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this just has baby written all over it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
