My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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