I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just puked most of my soul out..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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