After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
