never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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