I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
