I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
