i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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