last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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