i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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