Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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