I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
